


i'm not yours

by Anonymous



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Episode: s13e04 Time's Up for the Gang, M/M, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:16:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Mac and Dennis talk in the aftermath of Times Up For the Gang.Dennis has complicated feelings about Mac and about being touched/pursued in general. Mac's defense mechanisms make him terrible at taking no for an answer. A heated discussion in a rental car fixes nothing.





	i'm not yours

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning for mentions of past sexual assault. 
> 
> Although there are mentions of Dennis's attraction to Mac, and an acknowledgment that he does want to be touched by Mac under certain circumstances, this fic does not attempt to re-characterize Mac's inappropriate advances as anything other than sexual harassment. I hope that's clear.

Dennis orchestrated the entire thing so he didn’t have to be alone with Mac when he told him. Mac’s face crumpled, and Dennis felt hate and guilt twist uncomfortably in his gut. It’s not fair that Mac gets to make him feel this way. He’s not the victim here.  
  
Dennis had a lot of options for getting the point across to Mac. He could have screamed at him in the comfort of their apartment. He could have asked him to stop, so many times, when Mac was rubbing his hand up his leg, or touching his lower back, instead of just silently pushing his hand away, over and over again, hoping he would get the point that Dennis cannot handle it. Mac did not get the point. Mac does not take signals. He doesn’t understand the difference between platonic and sexual touches (sometimes Dennis doesn’t either), and he does not take visual fucking hints - Dennis crossing his legs or moving away from Mac or even pushing him away.

The last time Dennis pushed him away, Mac laughed, like Dennis was overreacting, like he was the one being difficult. Just Dennis being Dennis: hot and cold, sometimes cool with Mac’s hands all over him, and sometimes absolutely repulsed by it. That’s why Dennis cannot have Mac touching him, why he's been veering somewhere near the Arctic lately. If Mac can’t learn what no looks like, how is Dennis supposed to know before it’s too late?

“Dennis,” Mac says, looking at him in this, soft beseeching way once they get in the rental car. “I didn’t know.”

So they’re going to have this conversation now. Dennis doesn’t look at him. He focuses on putting the car into reverse and backing out of the parking space. He’s cognizant of Mac’s body language - he’s leaning against the door, like he wants to sit as far away from Dennis as possible.

“Are you ignoring me?“ Mac asks.

“No,” Dennis says. 

“I just, I thought you liked when we made out.” Mac twists his hands in his lap.

“I don’t,” Dennis snaps. Mac flinches. That’s not the whole truth either. Dennis doesn’t always like when they make out. Sometimes it makes his heart flutter in his chest like he’s thirteen, and it makes him feel warm all over. Sometimes he craves it. Other times Dennis goes cold, and he doesn’t even realize he doesn’t want it until Mac’s already pressing his tongue into his mouth. 

Mac hangs his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Because Dennis was afraid that Mac wouldn’t listen. That he’d try to explain that he didn’t want to be kissed, and Mac would keep kissing him anyway. The possibility that saying no out loud wouldn’t deter his best friend. He had evidence to suggest that it would not - the way Mac kept putting his hands where they didn’t belong, even today, after he asked him not to, made him want to throw up.

“I just told you,” Dennis says. “I have been telling you.”

“Okay,” Mac breathes. “…I won’t touch you anymore then.”

Dennis feels a sense of relief and loss all at once. Relief wins out as he says, “Okay.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.. It just thought, I don’t know… It felt really good for me, when we, you know, and I thought you felt it too,” Mac says. He sounds heartbroken. 

Dennis doesn’t know how to explain. Mac’s never had sex that felt bad, sex that destroyed the trust he feels in other people. It’s not like sex has always been straightforward for Mac. After all, Mac’s gay and he spent over half a decade having sex with women. But that was Mac’s choice, for the most part. He had agency. 

Dennis hurts the people he has sex with. He manipulates women into sleeping with him, like it’s a game and they’re his pawns. Dennis has been hurt himself, bile rising in his throat when he realized too late he didn’t want Mrs. Klinsky’s hand down his pants. When he woke up beside a stranger, his ass hurting and his head still dizzy with tequila. When he let older women run their hands up and down his chest, kiss him, and touch him, for a few bucks because he was so afraid he’d get killed if he didn’t come up with the money for the mob. Dennis only vaguely remembers Mac swooping in, hitting him, and corralling him under his arm out of the last women’s house. 

His sexual relationships consist of the pursuing and the pursued. Dennis does not want to be the pursued again. He can’t explain everything, and Mac’s too dumb to understand anyway, so it’s easiest to just bring a stop to it. Mac’s his friend. They can just be friends, where the comfort zone of their relationship resides, if Mac will let them. That will make everything easier for both of them. 

“...You should have noticed,” Dennis says, after a moment. He keeps his eyes trained on the road, muscle memory taking him back to the apartment while his brain’s occupied with a million other things. He doesn’t want to see Mac’s face fall again.

“You didn’t say anything,” Mac says. He sounds angry, as he continues, “Dennis, I would never want to touch you if I knew you didn’t want-“

“Shut up! Please. Shut up, Mac. I get it. I’m difficult and I didn’t say anything and it’s all my fault.”

Any anger Mac has deflates in the passenger seat. “I’m not saying it’s all your fault, dude. You’re twisting my words up. I’m just saying, this is the first time I’m hearing about this,” Mac says.

They’re at a red light. Dennis turns to look at him. “Is it, Mac? Or were you just choosing not to hear me?“

Mac squints at him, infuriatingly oblivious. “What do you mean by that?”

Dennis knows his voice is going to get caught in his throat before he starts talking, but he plows through anyway, slamming on the gas as the light turns green. He can't believe Mac still needs him to explain all of this. “I mean you should have noticed when I moved your hand away, Mac. When I looked at you like I didn’t want to be touched. You shouldn’t have ignored it.”

“You're talking about today. I didn’t -“ Mac starts. He didn’t notice, sure, whatever. Mac ignores so many things that he knows, deep down, Dennis thinks he willfully obscures his reality.

“Yeah, you did notice. Yeah you fucking did. You’re just like everyone else,” Dennis snaps.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Mac asks, affronted.

“Forget it,” Dennis says, waving his hand.

“Jesus, Dennis. Can you just explain, for once, what you’re talking about. Because I clearly don’t understand,” Mac says. 

There are tears forming in Dennis’s eyes, threatening to start spilling down his cheeks. No way is Dennis going to let those start falling. “I mean you just want to fuck me,” he accuses. “You replaced me with a sex doll, Mac,” he continues, fixing Mac with a cold stare. 

Dennis hates the way Mac’s face transforms as he notices the tears in Dennis’s eyes, his face all confused and sympathetic, like he’s telepathically willing Dennis to have any other emotion. When he talks, he keeps his voice low, like he’s speaking with a startled animal. “Dennis. We are friends. We’re friends. I am-“ Mac glances down at Dennis’s mouth. “sexually attracted to you. You obviously know that. But you are my best friend. I don’t just want - you know… I like you. I missed you. You know that,” Mac says, like it’s the simplest thing on earth.

  
Dennis isn’t sure what he knows. He doesn’t know how to reconcile the bond they’ve had for 13 years with the way Mac objectifies him. Sometimes it’s like Mac forgets who he is, in favor of a better version of Dennis that he’s created in his head. A Dennis that definitely makes out with him more often, a Dennis that is probably nicer to him, a Dennis that unhinges his jaw and takes it whenever Mac feels like fucking his mouth. A Dennis that Mac appreciates more. 

_I like you. I missed you. You know that._

  
Mac’s words should make him feel better, but they do not reach him. “I’m tired,” Dennis admits, rubbing his face with a hand. He looks away.

  
“Yeah. Me too. Dennis. You know I don’t just want to fuck you, right?” Mac asks. “Like that’s not what this is?”

  
But Mac does. Mac does want to fuck him. And that messes everything else up. The rental car feels stuffy. 

“...Den. When you didn't want me to kiss you, was that every time, or-“ Mac starts. 

Dennis cuts him off. “I can’t do this right now. Whatever you’re about to say, don’t say it.” His voice still sounds liable to fall apart at any moment. He doesn’t want to talk when he sounds like this.  
  
Mac just looks at him. Dennis can hear his complaints hanging in the air. _Dennis, you never want to talk about anything. Dennis, I don't understand._ “Shut up,” Dennis says again.  
  
“I wasn’t -” Mac starts.  
  
“I can hear you,” Dennis says. “I can hear you thinking, Mac.”  
  
And now Mac’s looking at him like he’s crazy. He’s not- he’s not fucking crazy. He can hear everything going unspoken on the other side of the car, in Mac’s voice, riddled with anxiety, _Have you been taking your meds? Did something happen that I don’t know about?_  
  
All of Mac’s talk of being the Sheriff of Paddy’s, of being a black belt, of being their protector, is bullshit, but Mac is still one of the only people that has ever made Dennis feel safe. Dennis wishes he could sit next to Mac on the couch and lean his body against his best friend’s without the impending threat of Mac’s hand on his leg. He can see it happening, like a daydream and a nightmare all at once: they make eye contact and suddenly they’re horizontal; it’s Mac’s hands in his hair, at his neck, all over the place, squeezing his ass through his jeans and sending a sharp pang of arousal to his stomach. He’s on fire.  
  
Or he’s suddenly under a body much larger and stronger than his, and it’s hot, and Mac’s fingers are already digging into his waistband, and he has to find the words to say he can’t, not right now, not today, maybe never.  
  
The rest of the ride home is blissfully quiet.  
  
He doesn’t even look at Mac once they’re home. He goes to his bedroom and lays down with the lights off, willing his brain to shut down.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I would love to hear any feedback or criticism, especially since this deals with such sensitive subject matter. I've had some version of this sitting in my drafts since the episode aired. There are fics similar to this about Mac and Dennis talking after Times Up, but I feel like this is a pretty different version of how the conversation might have gone.


End file.
